Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
