The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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