I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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