omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize