OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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