I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
