At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
worst night to have a conscience
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
