I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
