dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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