After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
