someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
