Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
