he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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