Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize