then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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