wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
