Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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