Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
