I just pynch a tree in the face
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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