I love black thongs
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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