Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
