And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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