This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
