booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So much rum. So many feels.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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