I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
