Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
