I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
