You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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