I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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