Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
