I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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