Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
