i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
