I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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