turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
