The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
either way he was missing a nipple.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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