The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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