What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
