I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize