Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
