My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize