I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
