I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
