i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize