Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We had sex on a dog bed..
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
