You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
