dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
