so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
