i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
