He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
