yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have aggressive nipples.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize