My nipple is on Facebook.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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