Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
should my penis look like a turkey
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
