Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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