After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
