I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
