Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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