What did we do last night that was yellow?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
