i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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