I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
