david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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