my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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