8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
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