I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
