I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
