Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
