nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize