New game: find the sober person in Tbell
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
