So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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